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Round up your friends and watch these bad movie recommendations!

Well campers – here it is, a genuine recipe to create (or recreate) your very own Fuji Rock Festival in the relative comfort of your one room apartment.

First, set up a tent (or arrange some plastic bags) at least a 45 minute walk from your apartment. Be sure to completely forget where you left it within 15 paces.
Return to your apartment.

Adjust the temperature of your shower to luke-warm with a mildly irritating flow. Fill the bathtub with approximately 3 inches of dirt (you should work on a consistency of something between chocolate mousse and jam). This is achieved best by bouncing up and down to Fatboy Slim or Ryoksopp for an hour or two.

Buy and don a cheap plastic rainmack –preferably two sizes too small and already ripped around the armpits. Proceed to enjoy being mildly sweaty on the inside and completely drenched on the outside.

Place your TV at the furthest possible distance from the shower - whilst still in view (if you either jump up and down or crane your neck in an impossible position).

Invite all of your friends and neighbors to share the bathtub with you – as many as possible, until you are unable to move without causing several people to be either sexually harassed or aroused.

Ask a friend to alternatively turn off and on all of the apartment’s appliances and light fittings to the tune of the music. They can also adjust the strength of the shower, depending upon how much they really like you.

Turn up your stereo to full volume with your favorite tunes (note: if its Cold Play give up here and go to bed now). Between each album; either: go to the nearest convenience store for food or beer, but first, run up and down 4 flights of stairs at least twice, then insist on queuing for at least 20 minutes before you buy something. Invite every person in the conbini back to your festival. Upon return, knock on every door in the apartment building and insist on searching their shower for your friends before returning to your festival.

If, by any chance, you need the bathroom walk to the nearest highway construction area and find a port–a–loo. Queue outside for at least one hour – at which point, if you are a man, remember you have a penis and go urinate against a bush. If you are a woman, curse all men and their penises loudly, queue for another hour and then attempt to use the port-a-loo without breathing, looking, or checking for a roll of toilet paper. Burst out of the plastic contraption and run back to your apartment.

Jump up and down and shout loudly in your friends’ ears until you pass out in a pile of your friends, mud, vomit and beer.

Wake up several hours later cold, broke, hung over and happy, wearing someone else’s shoes.

Congratulations – you now have to find your tent.

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