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General Living

Round up your friends and watch these bad movie recommendations!

John was stuck. He knew that he had made it as far as he ever would in his company in Japan. But debt and family obligations kept him from returning home to his native Omaha, Nebraska. He couldn’t see any light at the end of the tunnel and he was frustrated. And that’s just when he developed his health problem.

He went to the Japanese doctor for tests. The thought of coming down with such an illness had never occurred to him before. It’s the kind of thing he had heard about but had always happened to someone else, not him. “Not me!” he thought. But he had the diagnosis and there was no denying it. He was battling constipation.

His wife was there with him when the doctor explained about the gas and the blockage. She comforted him when his initial shock turned to denial then anger and finally defeat. She gave him strength. She gave him strength to push on.

Now he was at the office and he had just finished the paperwork on a formidable number two. He exited the toilet stall and found himself alone with his boss in the office restroom. Mr. Sato’s voice came muffled through the sleeves of his business suit which he held against his eyeballs in a vain attempt at relieving the stinging. “John-san. Choushi wa dou..?”(John, how is your physical functioning?) “Uh… I’m fine thank you. Uh… I haven’t caught a cold,” John submitted, trying to escape from the cloud of suspicion that now hung over him. The cloud hung thickly over Mr. Sato too, and the restroom and possibly the entire 6th floor for that matter.

Since his diagnosis, John had begun consuming fiendish amounts of bran. He knew that if he didn’t do anything about it, his was the kind of problem that would build up inside of him and explode. The effect of the bran was powerful. It wasn’t uncommon for him to storm the office facilities twice or even three times a day. Indeed, there were few members of staff old enough to remember Japan being bombed so badly.

That evening at dinner, John explained his predicament to his wife. He told her that Mr. Sato was certainly cross with him over his exploits in the office restroom. John wondered if she might speak to Mr. Sato in Japanese and explain the situation smoothly. John wanted to clear the air. She could tell John’s boss about the bloating and the frustration and, of course, the bran, the wonderful, lovely bran. But his wife refused. “It’s not Japanese way,” she told him. Apparently she didn’t want to make a big stink about it.

Just then the telephone rang. It was Mr. Sato. He and John spoke at length. Eventually, John hung up the phone and was flushed with happiness. “Mr. Sato says he’s moving me out of the office!” John told his wife. “The company has opened a new warehouse in Nebraska and they chose me to oversee distribution. We don’t have to move but they will be sending me out to Omaha whenever I need to go! Mr. Sato is very excited about my new position. He’s sending me a turbo-washlette for a present. He told me to install it on our toilet at home and use it every morning ‘For good health’.” John couldn’t remember when he had felt so relieved. “You just watch me honey!” He told his wife, “You just watch me at my new job. I’m going to make a big splash!”