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Round up your friends and watch these bad movie recommendations!

Snatching up my keys and wallet to head out to work the other day, it was the perfect morning for a detour to the nearest vending machine to buy a genki drink. You all know the product im referring to; the tiny bottle, the hint of vitamins, the repugnant taste and those ludicrous testosterone charged TV ads - marketed by some hard rockin’ sweaty guy dragging a canoe up a cliff.

Those commercials would be far more dynamic and entertaining if gravity made a cameo. If I made the ad you’d see the sweaty guy plummeting down a sheer cliff with his trusty canoe crashing down on top of him. Coming to our hero’s aid would be a pair of genki holding yokels straight from Deliverance. Genki – Cooler than a freshly sheared sheep.

Whatever it was, something convinced me that this little drink with its barely containable caffeine potency was instrumental for a bright start to the day….all I needed was some loose change and a canoe…

As I proceeded toward the vending machine, I grabbed for my wallet and gleefully felt its ballooned, coin-stuffed shape. A wallet filled so full of disposable income that not even its ‘100% cotton’ tag could assure me that it wouldn’t come apart. While emptying the contents of the wallet into my hand, I realised something didn’t feel right. There seemed to be no variation in the colour or mass of this payload, and it sure as heck didn’t feel like money.

What was I grasping? Tiny dull silver medallions with a bold “1” stamped into the plastic surface. First prize! Congratulations! Here are your tiny medals! At this point it was abundantly clear that this was no reward. In my hand was 50 yen worth of one yen coins. Even with their combined strength, they couldn’t be exchanged for even one of those dazzling plastic household items at the 100 yen store.

I offered a useless gesture to the vending machine and fed one of the coins into the slot. Rejected! I could sense that even the faceless drink machine was feeling embarrassed for me. Filled with
rage, I lunged for the coin in the return slot and angrily threw it as hard as I could, only to have it catch the wind and blow back into my face! By this point the remaining coins were laughing hysterically at me. Laughing money? I knew I had lost it. Time for work.

Seriously, what can be purchased for one yen? OK, fine! Besides a gimmicky down payment on a mobile phone? Maybe im just bitter because 1,000 yen notes don’t seem to accumulate around my apartment as well as plastic bags and those shitty 1 yen tokens. Im positive that the days of the one yen coin are numbered, being only a matter of time before this tiny space waster suffers a similar threat to that of the five yen coin: A precise bullet hole through the centre, although that hasn’t seemed to stop those equally dopey 5 yens from continuing to show up, maybe a stronger message is in order.

Let’s rid this pretend money from society, melt it down and enhance our lives by fashioning this raw material into rubbish bins for the streets, bigger beer cans or a prototype liquid metal terminator, to eliminate the worlds obsolete money….GET…OUT!

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